Blogging

You would think that this is ironic. Talking about blogging on a website meant for blogging.
I feel as though I am stuck between a rock and a hard place in everything that I do. I don't know where to go. My art has taken a serious turn for the worst. I have no inspiration left in me. I feel like I can't work on stuff for myself, but instead I have to work on art that is for my teachers. I can't remember a day when I did something just for me. What is that like? What does that feel like?

I feel like everyone around me is blogging about really serious things, and here I am blogging about my holidays with dogs, and my new blooming relationship. But what should a blog really be about? Should it be something personal that I lay out there for the world to see? Should it be something fake and forced that no one will actually believe?

I'm 19 years old and I feel like I question everything around me because I don't have the experience to think anything else. I'm afraid of things that are different, and I think that's why I question things. I think that's why I am so afraid to move forward in my life. Maybe that's why I'm stuck in this place right now. I don't know what to do with what I'm given. I feel like I just don't know what to do.

Hell, I applied to three jobs today. I didn't really read much into them, but I want to do something different with my life, and getting a new job for the summer seems like a good choice. Maybe it's a bad choice trying to do too much at once, but who knows until I try it. And everyone knows I probably will hear back from none of them.

Now I feel like I'm blabbering. Is that the point of a blog? Is it to get all your feelings out so there is nothing left to stress you out? Because if that is the case....BOOM done. But I don't think I will ever know the point of this blog. I will never be able to deliver consistent news about my life, and I will never be able to keep up daily or weekly at that. But I do know that no matter what I write...it will be true. It will be honest. And most of all...


It will be from my twisted up and questioning mind and heart.

till then...