Stop Your Whining

So I have been getting complaints that I haven't updated in a while. So here. I am updating with my summer so far, because lets just say a lot has changed. I am no longer at the day care. As sad as it is, I got another job that is full time, and I could really use the money, so I am now a cake decorator at the Giant Eagle Bakery. It's a lot of fun most of the time, but I just got off of a ten day in a row stretch, and let's just say I'm really ready for vacation. Which is the next thing on my list...I'm so excited for saturday it hurts to think about. I miss Hayden so much, and I get to see him for a whole 10 days in a row!!! It's going to be great. We are going to Fenwick Island, DE, and it's going to be fun for all. My sister and her husband are going with Hayden and I to see Harry Potter, and it is going to be nothing short of incredible. I love going on vacation with my family. Though we may get on each others nerves from time to time, we usually have a pretty great time. I am excited to go somewhere new with the people I love.

Other than that there is nothing very new going on in my life. I will try to post after vacation, if not during. I will hopefully see you soon...whoever you is...not sure if many people read this or not...if you do


HI

Summer So Far

So summer has barely started, and so far so good. I have been hanging out a lot with my best friends, and it has been awesome. I saw my friend Ashley last weekend that I haven't seen in almost 2 years, and it was awesome. I got to hang out with a lot of people that I haven't been able to in a long time. Hayden came out to visit a week or so ago, and that was awesome! We went to game 1 of the Pens vs. Hurricanes series, and it was amazing. I started work at SS, and that was a blast! I love working with those kids, and most of those people (shhhh don't tell them I don't like all of them). I just enjoy everything about this summer so far. I mean I am sure I am going to bite my tongue eventually, and I will write an angry blog somewhere down the line, but for now things are going ok. I haven't really touched my camera other than helping Sharon during my internship, and I am actually ok with that. I am happy that I don't have to do projects. I don't like having to be forced to take pictures. It drives me nuts being forced into those kind or things. So I am happy where I am right now. I miss Baltimore, but hopefully I will be going back soon. I want to go visit ASAP, but I just need to save up for that.

Soon enough...until then I will hopefully write sooner rather than later.

Sleep

I want to be this baby.

Sleep is really hard for me to come by. I figured I would be a smart cookie today, and go to sleep early because I have to work at 7. So I curled up into my bed around 11 when we got home, said my goodnights to the world, and just couldn't manage to shut my eyes for long enough for something to happen. I want to go to sleep, and I AM tired, but I just can't do it. I find something to think about, and keep me up. I think about the dumbest things too, like what if working on wednesday really sucks, and I'm stuck there until like 11:30. What if the pictures that I take on Friday for prom are really crappy, and Sharon hates my work? What if I forget how to edit pictures and then the clients aren't happy because I'm an idiot? The likely hood of any of these things happening is so slim that it's ridiculous reasoning for me to still be awake. Now I know that working with the infants today is going to be rough. Am I allowed to go to sleep when they take there naps? I know there is an open crib in the room somewhere. Maybe that is what is keeping me awake. The fact that I am so stoked to work in the baby room this week. I love working with the infants, it's really rewarding with people that are so innocent. But I swear if I get put in the transition room I am gonna be seriously pissed. I always get put in there, and I just want to stay in the infant room so bad. So watch it ******** (I won't mention names), I am staying in that room whether you like it or not! I'm hoping it's fun, because I really like babies, I don't wanna kill that feeling so soon into the summer. I guess I'm going to try this sleep thing again for like an hour. Hopefully you don't hear from me too soon, because I would really like to be asleep. Until then.... Sweet Dreams

Goodbye and I Love You

Here are all the ways I have learned to say goodbye....

Goodbye
Bye-bye
Godspeed
Ciao
Sayanora
See ya
Cheerio
So long
Farewell
Bon voyage
Aloha
Peace out
Adios
Hasta la vista
Avoir

I'm wasn't ready to say goodbye today, but I guess it's not really goodbye. I'll be seeing you soon.


I love you.

Dear Baltimore

Dear Baltimore,


Though the semester has proven tough I have found that there are some small things that I like about you. You have proven to me that you have more to offer than hobo's and the smell of pee in the parking garages. As bitter as I have been with you through out the last two years, I believe that things are slowly starting to look up. I have discovered parts of you that I did not know about before. These things are incredible, and I am sad to be saying goodbye to them. A few of them are going to be listed below with pictures to go with them. So here goes Baltimore...

Thank you for the nice weather

Thank you for the awesome friends that I have met and grown to love and will have a hard time leaving.
For Hayden, he has made school a much more enjoyable place to be.

So all in all Baltimore you have been much more enjoyable than I thought you could ever be. I think I have to thank most of the people that are involved in my life, and not so much you, but you area a part of it Baltimore, don't get me wrong. I can't wait to see you again in August!!

With all the love in the world,

Bethany

My New Project

These are images from my final project in my Contemporary Color Landscape class. I am very interested in the body, so for the last project I used my boyfriend Hayden as a model. When I showed it to the class the immediate response is that it had to be more personal. So I went right back to it for my final. I am still not 100% happy with where it is, but I do enjoy what I've done. These are very personal, and very intimate. Let me know what you think!

Landscape Project

I think I'm finally out of my funk. Here is the project I'm working on for my Contemporary Color Landscape class. We had to do a project on dreams, and what our "dream world" would be. Mine is in bed, black and white, and kind of out of focus.

Another Fustrated Call For Help

So it's 3 in the morning and I'm up. You may ask why in the world I am up so late. Well that is exactly why I am on here. I need to find a way to put my mind at ease and get a couple hours of sleep. So here it goes. Let the ranting and raving begin.

I'm worried about housing, and I feel like I need to get an apartment now, or I won't get one at all. I am beginning to think I won't find one, and that I'll just have to curl up on the streets of Baltimore next year and wait for someone to take me in. I am so scared that I just won't find a place in time. It's such a stressful time right now, and I just don't need this on top of all of it.

I'm worried about my finals. I have changed the idea for my one final like 4,843,235,321,768,656,655 times, and I still don't think I am 100% happy with it. I am trying really hard to be happy with my work again, and I was hoping that this maybe would be it, but again, I just don't see myself enjoying this. I just have to buckle down, and make it REALLY great. I have to make it extremely convincing, and I have to make the viewer want to see more. For my Fine Print final, I think I can probably finish all of the prints tomorrow, matting will just be the issue. My final in my landscape class is stressing me out, because I just don't know what I'm going to do. I have no idea how I want to even approach it, and I'm a little worried that I won't know what to do when the time comes to finish it. And last but not least I have to write a paper about being an outcast, and I just can't buckle down and find the time to do it. I think I need to make a schedule again. Figure out the times that I have open, and realize when to do work. I think that's the only thing that will work, and that will help me figure things out. I think as long as I time manage, I can get all of this done.

MONEY!!! That's my big issue right now too. I have none of it. I have to buy matte board and all that fun stuff, and I have NO paper. Last semester was just so much less stressful because I wasn't so worried all the time, yet this semester, I'm broke, and freaking out because I can't afford anything anymore. I don't know what to do about the money thing. I might have to see if the Tax gods blessed me this year or not. If I got that return, it would TOTALLY help me right now!

That's about it I think. I mean I'm sure there are little things thrown in there, but those are the big ones. If I can get those worked out, life would be a lot easier. I think I would be able to sleep at night too! So I guess until they get fixed I'll be up for the next 3 weeks.

Hope you all can sleep better than I can.

Frustration

I am so frustrated with art school right now. If I could put up a list of all the things I am tired of hearing, and the response I would REALLY like to give them...


-What does it mean?
I don't know...I did it because I thought it was cool.

-Why did you do that this way or that way?
I did it because it was the only way that would work efficiently, and that made sense to me.

-How does it make you feel?
It makes me feel like you shouldn't have asked that. What do you mean how does it make me feel? It's a piece of art...it makes me feel like it should be looked at and not so closely critiqued sometimes.

-What was your inspiration for this piece?
Nothing. I just kind of decided to do it one day. Is that ok with you?

-Where do you see this piece in the future?
Probably in a box in my parents basement with all the other crap I have done in the past 4 years. I have no urge to re-do most of my projects if I am happy with them.

I have mentioned in past posts that I feel like I have hit a block. I have decided it's just extremely frustrating to not know what to do anymore. I feel like my work just isn't what it was in the past, and I don't know how to make it any better. I am just upset with how art school is going right now, and I know that is in part to do with the fact that I am not really working on my art, so much as working on websites, and pieces that I don't even enjoy. I want to be doing portraits for fun. I want to enjoy being in the darkroom again. I want to feel something when I take a picture again. Right now I feel like all of my work is just kind of dragging, and nothing is working. I don't know how to get out of this, but I can't be in it anymore. I can't be doing this crap work anymore. I need to step it up. I need to start doing amazing work again...


wish me luck

My Day With Kaity

This is my day with Kaity...and these are the things it consisted of.

We've decided that gay is ok with us...as long as it's Jonah Hill and Andy Samberg's Dad.

Which leads me to Andy Samberg. Enough said...

Good one Kaity.

I wish

Lunch :)

The movie we watched to cap off the night.

We found a new love in this man.

Channing Tatum...what else do you need to know?

I love you man....thanks for yet another great night.

Ryan Brown

Ryan Brown...in a nutshell
So out of complete frustration and just to prove my point, I am posting two times in one day. I know that you're lucky if you can get one post out of me a week, but here it goes. So there is this kid that I talk to all the time. Ryan Brown. Most would say that all we really do is fight and bicker, but I consider him my closest guy friend, and one of my best friends. He is funny, tall, and ridiculously good at giving me amazing music. He constantly disagrees with me on everything, but he none the less is the one person I go to with just about every problem I have. He constantly says he's not funny, and I have yet to believe him because every time I am with him, he makes me laugh. So what do you say to a person that thinks they are not funny and unimportant?

Well in my opinion, you tell them all the things about them that make you laugh, and all the things they have done to become a fantastic friend. Which in Ryan's case....there are a lot of things.

So here Ryan....Here are the things about you that make me laugh, and that prove you are one of my closest friends....enjoy :P

1. The time that you came over and said Sotally Tober. I thought for a good like month that you made that up. I was indeed impressed to hear that you had learned it from a song. I will say...I'm still impressed that you said that. It was perfect timing.

2. The fact that you don't open your eyes in pictures. Always a reason for a good laugh. And because you are able to laugh with us...I don't consider it laughing at you.

3. The one time when I took you guys to McConnills Mills, and I said well we really need to stuff your shirt to make you look a little more buff...and you responded with "That's the only thing you would need to stuff". Very clever Ryan Brown....very clever.

4. You singing. That's funny.

5. When we went on vacation, you were like a little kid in a candy shop...if that candy shop were extremely dangerous, and if that kid was 6'7"....either way it was entertaining to watch how happy you are.

6. That time that you modeled for me ALL day, and looked amazing the entire time...thanks for that A btw. I really appreciated it.

7. You introduced me into music I never thought I would listen to. That makes you probably the coolest person I know, because the music I listen to rocks now.

8. One of my favorite funny memories of you is the image of you putting your head out my window while listening to John Mayer...Was it really that bad?
9. When you jump fires...that's a good time.

10. You and your "Puma fighting". Because that's "real"....mmmk....

11. The Offspring and driving 45 minutes to get to a Walmart. That is the epitimy of a fantastic time.

12. Watching 43197980714 movies in one night, and not going to sleep until 4 knowing that we both have to work in the morning.

13. The trip home from Canaan Valley while blasting Mamma Mia...I know you enjoyed that :)

14. That Jonas Brothers joke....that has to be the best thing you have ever said.

If this isn't enough to prove that you are very important I don't know what is. You are one of my closest friends, and my best guy friend. So I guess this is just a Thank You, and a keep up the good work. Because with out you there would be a lot of nights where I would end up staying up late with terrible music, and no one to talk to.

Thanks Ryan...(bffl)

My Future

So after our artist talk today with Amy Stein, I have decided that I really am stuck.

Photograph by: Amy Stein
What am I doing in the art field? I have been looking at a lot of new artists lately, and I still am not sure what I want to do with my art. The most recent person I have been looking at is Joey L. He is the photographer responsible for the twilight posters. He is extremely talented, and he is only 18. What the hell am I doing with my life? Will I ever be as talented as him? I'm not sure what to do now. I want to be as good as him. His work is amazing. Everyone should check it out http://www.joeyl.com/. He is nothing short of impressive. Could I ever be as great as him? I feel like I just want to figure out where my work is going to be in 10 years. I don't really see it going anywhere right now. Who knows.Photographed by: Joey L

But enough about that. I am going to be talking about my art with my teacher tomorrow, so hopefully it will all fall into place. Until then... enjoy the photographers that are way better than me...and that I someday aspire to be like them.

Blogging

You would think that this is ironic. Talking about blogging on a website meant for blogging.
I feel as though I am stuck between a rock and a hard place in everything that I do. I don't know where to go. My art has taken a serious turn for the worst. I have no inspiration left in me. I feel like I can't work on stuff for myself, but instead I have to work on art that is for my teachers. I can't remember a day when I did something just for me. What is that like? What does that feel like?

I feel like everyone around me is blogging about really serious things, and here I am blogging about my holidays with dogs, and my new blooming relationship. But what should a blog really be about? Should it be something personal that I lay out there for the world to see? Should it be something fake and forced that no one will actually believe?

I'm 19 years old and I feel like I question everything around me because I don't have the experience to think anything else. I'm afraid of things that are different, and I think that's why I question things. I think that's why I am so afraid to move forward in my life. Maybe that's why I'm stuck in this place right now. I don't know what to do with what I'm given. I feel like I just don't know what to do.

Hell, I applied to three jobs today. I didn't really read much into them, but I want to do something different with my life, and getting a new job for the summer seems like a good choice. Maybe it's a bad choice trying to do too much at once, but who knows until I try it. And everyone knows I probably will hear back from none of them.

Now I feel like I'm blabbering. Is that the point of a blog? Is it to get all your feelings out so there is nothing left to stress you out? Because if that is the case....BOOM done. But I don't think I will ever know the point of this blog. I will never be able to deliver consistent news about my life, and I will never be able to keep up daily or weekly at that. But I do know that no matter what I write...it will be true. It will be honest. And most of all...


It will be from my twisted up and questioning mind and heart.

till then...

My Trip To Clarion

Spring Break

Home is the best place to be when the weather is nice. When it's crappy out it's not even worth it. I hate snow and rain, and unfortunately Pittsburgh is very well equipt with both. I enjoy the snow in the winter, but when it comes in the Spring....it's just irritating. I like this break so far, and I'm even more excited for Thursday because I am taking a road trip to go and see my best friend Ryan. It's only for one day, but I think it will be fun none the less. I will write and post pictures when that happens. So until then....


You stay classy San Diego.

Fallen Ill

I seem to have fallen ill right before break.

Just my luck huh?

Enjoying the time I have

It's almost less than 2 weeks until spring break. Where did this semester go? I can't even believe how much I am enjoying this semester more than the last few. I hate to give my credit to a boy, but I have to give credit where credit is due. Hayden has truly made it that much easier for me. I have been so happy because of him. I never thought that a boy could make me so happy. Can't we all think back to when we were in grade school, and boys had cooties? When they were gross, and not cute and all those fun things. But here I am, 19, and head over heals for one. I never thought I would say it, but I love him.
Don't get me wrong. He isn't the only reason school is going well. I have great friends, and even my classes are going well this semester. I'm doing really interesting work, involving my xrays from my knee injury a couple years ago. It's been kind of tough developing them, knowing that they are the reason I don't play volleyball anymore. It's tough to face our past like that, but I guess the only way to get over it is to face it head on.
As the semester goes on, things will continue to go great. And I promise to keep you updated.

Until then...

Live every moment to the fullest.